The Meepy Sickies

I took a sick day today because I have this weird cough phlegm thing.  (Delightful and attractive, I agree).  Anyway, I stayed up for most of last night coughing, and I woke up today feeling exhausted.

The rational voice in the back of my head was like "Welp, you could probably battle through the day but get sicker as the week progresses.  Probably should stay home."  The irrational part of me was like, "IT'S THE FIRST SIGN OF THE FLU...BRONCHITIS...TUBERCULOSIS.  YOU WILL DIE ANY DAY NOW."  So I took today off.

I'm still in my pajamas, and I still feel fatigued and quite out of it.  It's probably due to being overly inert.  I read that somewhere, I think.  The human body only truly needs 6-8 hours of sleep, and when we get more than that, it's like the body says, "Well, time to evolve into a Snorlax."

It's science.  I swear it.

Since shaking myself from my Snorlax stupor, I've mostly been checking my remote work email, drinking tea, and generally feeling sorry for myself.  I like to call this state of mind the Meepy Sickies.

The condition of the Meepy Sickies is the the following combination:

Like I said, the physicality of a Snorlax

+

The general duress of a tail-less Eeyore

+

Feeling like you viewed this emotional devastation a thousand times

+

The speech pattern of Beaker

+

And this state of self-righteousness for your case of the Meepy Sickies

When I have the Meepy Sickies, my brain activity--which is normally/alarmingly operating at lightning speed in various thought trains and tangents--plummets.  Today, I don't want to think or do much of anything.  Yet, I'm terribly bored.  

Read?  Pshaw.  Listen to music?  Turn off that racket.  Clean?  Please be serious.  Do anything productive and worthwhile?  Check yourself; I am sick.  Just listen to my cough.

No.  All I want to do is watch The Walking Dead.

When I watch it in full health, I tend to start panicking that I'm not prepared whatsoever for the impending zombie apocalypse.  Yet, when I watch it when I'm sick and in the clutches of the Meepy Sickies, it makes me happy that the characters in the show are much worse off than me.

Schadenfreude: (ʃɑːdənfrɔɪdə) is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. 

Ex: When you watch The Walking Dead during the Meepy Sickies, you will experience schadenfreude as zombies aggressively nom one of the few remaining human's arms.

But guess what, my internet is being a big jerk and not letting me watch my show.  

Check my work email?  Look at puppy pictures?  Sure why not.  Let me watch my show and take my mind off the misery that is my cold?  Nope, no show for you.

I shake my fist at you, Verizon.  Curse you and your 3G network.

Now, I'm feeling especially sorry for myself.  And I am fully in the clutches of the Meepy Sickies:

1. My tea is cold because the microwave is too far away from my bed.
2. Why can't I watch my show?  Stupid Verizon.  Maybe it's time to show the love to COMCAST.
3. No one is responding to my text messages.  It's so selfish that they are working and doing normal people things and ignoring me, a very sick person, who is stuck here pitifully coughing.
4. I have no soup.  Here I am, about to die from tuberculosis, and I have no soup.
5. My pillows won't stay the way I arranged them.
6. Why did Winter finally decide to make an appearance?  No one likes you, Winter.  Go away.
7. I'm hungry.  I want a burrito.
8. I'm tired but can't sleep anymore.
9. Why did this cruel, cruel world create colds?
10. WHY CAN'T I WATCH MY SHOW??!!

As I regress from being an almost-adult to a toddler about to have a melt down, I thought I would write a blog post because that would at least be doing something quasi-productive.  Right?  Am I right?  Tell me that I'm right.

Well, hopefully I will be back to my normal mental state in the near future and that the Meepy Sickies will lie dormant once more.  If you are in the midst of your own Meepy Sickies, I feel and understand your pain.  I truly do.  Solidarity, my brother and/or sister.

If you're well and feeling cheerful, then I don't like you.  Well, I mostly don't like you, especially if you don't feel sorry for me...For right now at least.  Well, I'd like you if you brought me soup.

Or a burrito.

First Blog Post: An Apology and Explanation to a Self-Indulgent Endeavor

I feel as if I've been horrible at many things of late.  Not feel, I know I've been horrible.  What a way to start, eh?  Anyway, let me list some of my infractions at Life:

1. Keeping in touch with family: I'm the worst.
2. Keeping in touch with friends: I'm the worst.
3. Studying for the GRE: I have zero motivation to study for that monstrosity.  I resent that I have to learn math skills that I learned in middle school but have now forgotten and memorize vocabulary words that are silly and that I will never use in my everyday vernacular.  I don't even think my practice book is up to date anymore.  Also, standardized tests give me the wiggins.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference?  Indeed, it is.
4. Searching for graduate schools: I know I should get my masters.  In what?  I don't know.  Every time I look into a program that sounds alright, I come to the same conclusion: it's very expensive and the program summary is poorly written.  Terrifically bad program summaries irk me to no end.  I refuse to pour thousands of dollars into a program that cannot adequately describe its goals in a succinct manner on its website.
5. Writing my book: Pretentious?  Why yes, it is.  Well, in theory at least.  My first chapter is fantastically edited within an inch of its life.  The rest of the story?  Locked firmly in my imagination.
6. Practicing my music: Arias...oh yeah, I used to sing them alright.  And my guitar...I thought I could maybe start mournfully crooning some Dashboard Confessional by now.  No, I'm still on "Freres Jacques."
7. Auditioning: I used to go to school full time, work a part time job, hold a church singing job, and perform in productions.  Now, I can barely motivate myself to utilize the Google to look up gigs.  Where did that drive go?  I don't know, so I'll go make a cup of tea instead.
8. Working out: Once upon a time, I was training for a 5k and then happy hour happened to me.  I also had no friends when I was on my workout bender, having just moved to DC.  Working out 5-6 days a week is easier when you have no one to hang out with.  And now I'm trying to justify my laziness and inertness.
9. Making some doctor appointments: I feel all my colleagues and friends are always off to doctor appointments.  I've been feeling healthy, but who knows, maybe I should go say hi to some doctors.
10. My sister Kat's wedding: I should probably plan Kat's bridal shower and bachelorette party.  That would be a good idea.
11. Volunteering: I guess the cool thing in DC to do is volunteer.  Do you know how difficult it is to get into a DC mentoring program?  It's discouraging to say the least.  After a few failed attempts, I put it on the back burner, and now I feel sad that I haven't given back to my community in a long time.

I could go on until this entire blog post is a pitiful list of all the things I make myself feel terribly guilty about every night before I go to sleep.  I am constantly wracked in guilt and feel like a low grade human.  Been feeling exasperated with me of late?  Don't worry, I'm ashamed of myself.  Do I help remedy it at all?  No, not really.  I guess I'll go sit in the corner and feel guilty some more instead.

How did this happen, you may ask?  Well, that explanation is not very humorous or entertaining; my feelings are not interesting for me to write about in the slightest.  Let's just say that my life was an emotional roller coaster from April until June.  July and August went pretty well.  Then everything in my life turned upside down again from September through the holidays.  Add in a lot of traveling to that formula, both fun and business related, for a result of quite the preoccupied Lizzie state of mind.  

I know I'm being glib...

...And sounding like I have been suffering from wizard angst...

...So please rest assured that I truly am fine.  Even when I was at my most disorganized state, I had some very fun times and made good memories.  I also paid my bills, loans, and functioned.

Anyway, I suppose the point I am trying to make in a very roundabout way is that I have only been living in the immediate present these past 6 months or so.  Which isn't conducive for staying in touch with loved ones or for life planning.  I want to fix that.  I truly do.

My other point is that I apologize for being absent, and I will try my best to be a better daughter, sister, friend, writer, performer, humanitarian, etc.

Why did I create this blog, you may ask?  As I was tackling my mountain of dirty laundry at my Spanish laundromat (future blog post topic), I came to the most odd of conclusions to help reconnect myself to the world and my goals.  "How about starting up a blog again?" said my brain.  "Not a bad idea," I replied.  Then a couple of fellow launders stared at me, so I stopped talking.

I tried blogging once before: http://optionb.blogspot.com/

I never promoted it, though, for whatever reason.  Obviously, no one read it but my sister Kat.  (Thanks, Kat!)  I quickly gave up on it and moved on to other projects.

So, here I go again: I'm going to be self-indulgent and write about the awkward happenings and goings on that make up my life.  Why?  I've had several friends and family members tell me that they follow my Facebook statuses because they enjoy my turn of phrase and sense of humor (Thank you for stroking my ego).  Twitter isn't my thing because I'm long-winded.  So, hey, why not start up a blog?

I figure I can try and keep people up to date on what goes on in my life and also work on my writing skills.  I admit: they've been rusty of late.  Two birds, one stone.  Also, I'm horrible at keeping a diary/journal. (Pray tell, what is the difference?)  So this will suffice, again in a very self-indulgent way.

Quick disclaimer: I'm not going to talk about my job.  Why?  Because it's not a good idea, folks.  

My posts will mostly contain mundane, mini-adventures that I forget to tell people most times but tend to be kind of hilarious.  I'll also try and take up my previous "DC Delights" theme from this past summer and post about fun happenings in the Capitol.  In addition, please let me know if you have any blog post topic suggestions!

Also, please feel free to berate me if I don't post for a period of time.  It's most likely due to laziness, so help keep me on the blogging wagon, bitte.

In conclusion: I'm sorry, and I want to be more proactive again.  I have a long list of phone calls and emails to return, which I plan on doing.  For now, hopefully this blog will suffice and know that I am staring guiltily at the wall in the corner until I do get in touch with everyone.

Lizzie xxx